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Feeling Funky: Flu or Fluke?

The trouble with being a hypochondriac these days is that antibiotics have cured all the good diseases. ~ Caskie Stinnet

I haven’t written much because I’ve been sick a lot of late in the non-hypochondriacal, funky non-flu fluke kind of way.

It all started when I got the Cruise Flu back in September. At least I thought it was the flu. Turns out it was just a fluke. The cruise flu, according to the CDC, isn’t THE flu. It’s a norovirus, which can cause vomiting, diarrhea, stomach cramps, sore throat, headache and fever and as the CDC explains, outbreaks occur more often where there are more people in a small areas such as nursing homes, restaurants, catered events, and cruise ships.

It looks like the flu, feels like the flu, smells like the flu and spreads like the flu, but it’s not the flu. Any similarity in symptoms are just a fluke.

I made a speedy recovery.

Meanwhile, back on the ranch…

We TSA’s* returned from vacation and soon relocated to a new TSL*.

At our next TSL* there was some TSS* floating around and pretty soon I once again had vomiting, diarrhea, stomach cramps, sore throat, headache etc… as did just about everybody there except SA* Heidi and Henry VIII.

I divvied up my time between toilet bowl and the big red mixing bowl (which I just kind of carried about with me – handy-like).

For me, this second not-the-flu fluke lasted for, oh, off and on most of November and December.

Just before Christmas we moved to a new TSL* and after about a week I started feeling down right regular again, peppy even.

It was lovely.

Then, my the-first-Doctor-I’ve-had-in-5-years, called and said I needed to come in and have a physical. Feeling fairly fit and needing her to renew my RSL* Rx*, I complied and arrived at the office Monday afternoon. She listened to me breathe and looked in my ears. All clear. Her nurse gave me a cup, took some blood and told me to come back in a week for the 2nd half of the exam and test results.

Oh, and then she gave me a flu shot.

I’ve had flu shots in the past. SA* Heidi, however, refuses to get a flu shot. She worked in a hospital for 7 years. They required all employees to get a flu shot. For 7 years she got one and the next day, 7 years in a row, she was sick with the fluke flu.

Every year, rumors circulate claiming the flu shot can cause the flu. Every year flu shot authorities say it isn’t possible. They do list potential side effects of the flu shot as vomiting, diarrhea, stomach cramps, sore throat, headache etc… Just like the cruise flu and THE flu but different.

As a night-shift SA*, I sleep in the day time (obviously). There’s a good bit of noise so I sleep with a sound machine chugging like a freight train by my head and ear plugs stuffed in my ears. My symptoms didn’t hit until Tuesday morning.

For the 3rd time, I have/had the not-flu-flu. It’s been back to toilet bowls and red bowls and bowls of chicken noodle soup. After a slight relapse this morning, I’m once again on the mend and can sit down without feeling like the cow who just ate the cactus.

Since I’m something of a non-flu pro now, here’s my advice:

  1. The flu shot? Shoot, I don’t know, that’s up to you
  2. Wash your hands 57xs a day until your skin falls off (if you’re like me, you’ll get sick anyway but it’ll just be a fluke)
  3. If you’re thinking of throwing up, take your ear plugs out first (I was really sorry I didn’t think about that ahead of time – I just about blew out my right eardrum)

I’ll leave you with this tale of just how far you can go with the flu and a fluke:

The patient went to his doctor because he had flu and the doctor wrote out a prescription for him in his usual illegible writing. The patient put it in his pocket but forgot to get the tablets from the pharmacy.

Every morning, for two years, he showed it to the conductor as a railroad pass. Twice, it got him into the movies, once into the soccer stadium, and once into the symphony. He got a raise at work by showing it as a note from his boss. One day he mislaid it. His daughter picked it up, played it on the piano and won a scholarship to the conservatory of music.

Be safe and stay well!

~

Decoder code:

  • *TSA – Top Secret Agent
  • *SA   –  Abbr for TSA
  • *TSL – Top Secret Location
  • *TSS – Top Secret Stuff
  • *RLS – Restless Leg Syndrome
  • *Rx   – Prescription
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27 thoughts on “Feeling Funky: Flu or Fluke?

  1. Your blog about the funky-flukey-flu really made me laugh….You’re a good writer…thanks – I’m looking forward to your next post!

    • Hello Sharan!
      Thank you for stopping by and sharing a laugh with me.
      I have a follow up post ready to hit the presses today… mostly likely…
      Thanks for your kind words.
      You made me smile! :D

  2. So sorry to hear you have had such a time with flu-like illnesses. This year seems to be off to a bad start! I’m still trying to recover from a really nasty sinus infection. Lots of sickness in Vegas… unfortunately.

    Y’all take care :-)

    Vicky

    • Oh Vicky –
      I was so sorry to read that you’ve been sick on top of everything else.
      I expect your poor body is worn out.
      Please take care.
      Continuing to keep you all in my prayers.

  3. Oh NO! This is way too long for you to be sick, no matter what they want to call it! This is not exactly how you wanted to lose weight, is it? You are something else, to have a sense of humor still, through 3 fluke flus! And . ..I was so excited that I figured out the TSS before looking at the code.
    God bless you and comfort you and put a fluke flu shield around you!
    love and prayers!

    • hello deb!
      I’m VERY impressed that you decoded TSS on your own (SA Heidi had to ask me what it meant!) ;)
      I fairly certain that I’m well on my way to wellness.
      Thanks for your love and prayers.

    • hello dear judi –
      I appreciate your prayers.
      I’m mostly mending.
      I did a little fraying last night but back on track this morning. :D
      And thanks for laughing with me – it’s very healthy!

  4. So sorry you have been feeling so bad. It’s really hard to go to work every day feeling bad!!!! I threatened to call in “sorry” these last few rainy, cold days but David just was not buying it!! Feel Better!!! Penny

    • hello Penny –
      In the action packed world of Top Secret Agents, there are no “sick” or “sorry” days, are there?
      The wind is about to blow us over into Louisiana this morning!
      Hope all is well with you two!

  5. I’m so sorry to hear the non/maybe/could be/who cares?/Flu-like illness has continued this long, Debbie–you must have lost tons of weight, eh? I’ll keep lifting you up in prayer–and hoping you won’t need the lovely red bucket anymore. God bless you BIG–love to Henri–sis Caddo

    • hello dear Caddo!
      Although I’ve finished “dieting” and did reach my goal – that’s where I’ve stayed in spite of my never ending non-flu.
      It may be because all I’ve been hungry for has been Heidi’s homemade cinnamon bread and she’s kept me well supplied.
      The big red bowl stayed in the cabinet all night last night. A good sign! ;)

  6. Oh my sweet angel! I am so sorry about your fluke-flu. WTF is a fluke that makes you vomit, sweat, have diarrhea, sore throat and generally feel like walking death? Is it ACTUALLY called the FLUKE FLU? Sorry, just Mel trying to lighten an unbearable 3-4 months of hell. You poor thing. I hope you are not dieting and that you are drinking enough water to sink your floating SA vehicle … which i hope STILL has a door attached.

    Hydration is important. Vomiting also breaks blood vessels in your eyes and rattles your brain (no kidding). It sucks all the water out of you.

    I pray that you are doing better. When is Part II of your evaluation? Apparently these “doctors” aren’t going to hospitalize you unless you pass out in their office or barf on their shoes.

    Take care of you and Heidi.

    AND, BTW, i always had flu (fluke) symptoms for 3 days after my flu shots … not to mention a lot of pain in the “shot site”. HEY, and maybe Heidi could answer this, but what’s the “chicken and egg” allergy question about? Silly.

    Just make sure you google all the MED ADVICE you can, and take care of you and what is “bugging” YOU … doctors are limited help, however they CAN write prescriptions. See, you could go to a movie and take a bus (if necessary) with a prescript in Texas. ;-)

    Love you, Mel

    • Hello dear Mel – all is well
      Or at least…
      All is more or less well – update at 10:00 :D
      The wind is whipping this a.m., but the door is still on it’s hinges, I’m only slightly unhinged and I’m well weighted down with gallons of water (the diet has been completed for a few weeks – no worries).
      We’ve had a few new mishaps – posting soon – but all in all, Life is Good! :D

  7. well, I am sorry you didn’t have the flu and that fluke kept reoccuring. I hope that both the non-flu and the flu fluke are gone away for good now. take care xx

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