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Scary Bedtime Stories

Whether you work the night shift as a gate guard like me, or are just an insomniac, if you watch late night TV you’ll see a lot of odd commercials. From time to time, I’ll be  sharing my observations about a few of the ones that scare me. Overnight TV ads seem to fall into 5 main categories:

1. food – this one has a 24hr audience

2. insurance – something everyone ponders at 2:00 a.m.

3. drugs – primarily anti-depressants and anti-mucus meds, conditions that apparently specifically haunt late- nighters

4. age – how to look younger, die more considerately etc…

5. beds – this one seems counter-intuitive to me

My Dad used to say things like: “You’ve made you bed, now you must lie in it”. Pop was  military and not the kind of  Dad you talked back to, and we always made our beds, so I didn’t say anything. But I thought at him:Why would I want to lie down in a bed I already made? I’d have to make it all over again.

I can tell you the bed I wouldn’t want to lie down in, it’s the one next to the scary Progressive guy.

You know the one where the nice tired couple walk into a furniture store, shopping for a mattress. It appears this commercial is going to fall into category number 5 – beds, but no! That’s where it gets scary:

Tired Man lies down on a mattress and says: “This one works”

Nice Lady says: “The price sure doesn’t!”

Tired Man says: “I’m tired of shopping around.”

Now  this is the scary part.

A creepy looking stranger pops up out of nowhere on the mattress beside the Tired Man

Creepy Stranger says: “Too bad you aren’t buying car insurance.”

(Does this make any sense?)

Nice Lady says: “Like that’s easy!”

Creepy Stranger says: “Oh, it is! Progressive Direct showed me their rates and the rate of their competitors. I saved hundreds when switching!”

Nice Lady says: “We could use hundreds.”

Tired Man says: “Ya.”

Creepy Stranger says: “Wake up and smell the savings!”

By the way, the best explanation I could find for the bed proverbs was from the English Language Discussion Forum: ” Back in the old days beds were made on a yearly basis and you had only one chance to do it correctly. If you took shortcuts and stuffed your mattress with low quality stuffing like grass you would sleep quite comfortably for a week or so but the grasses would soon break down and you would be lying on a very poor bed.
If on the other hand you went to the effort and expense of stuffing your mattress with kapok or down or feathers you would have a very long lasting and comfortable bed to lie in.

Pop also used to say: “‘You can’t have your cake and eat it, too”. I keep thinking then what’s the point of having cake? 🙂


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