Home » Attitudes » Facebook Friends:130 But Who’s Counting?

Facebook Friends:130 But Who’s Counting?

Facebook is counting. So are millions of others who see accumulating the most Facebook friends as a competitive sport.

I read that Lady Gaga has over 10 million friends on Facebook and is the current world record holder (fan page category).

The FB friend limit for a personal page is 5000. People are in an uproar! That just isn’t enough friends. Really? Once you hit 500o, you either have to begin deleting friends or adding a fan page.

Facts according to Facebook’s Press Room:

  • More than 500 million active users
  • 50% of our active users log on to Facebook in any given day
  • Average user has 130 friends
  • People spend over 700 billion minutes per month on Facebook

The average user has 130 friends. I’m such an under-achiever! When I lived in Oregon, I loved walking on the beach, collecting agates and jasper and sand-dollars. It never occurred to me to spend my time collecting friends, although I made some dear ones there.

I have a very small family. My kids aren’t on Facebook. They tweet on Twitter. I don’t really get Twitter, but I do read their tweets. Many of my closest friends don’t have Facebook accounts. Imagine!

Counting my 5 family members who are on Facebook, I have 34 FB friends. I added 3 and subtracted 7 this week for a net loss of 4. I’m sure the 7 I cut won’t notice. They never post and never comment when I do. They’re nice people. We just don’t have a connection anymore.

I may very well have the fewest number of FB friends of anyone who looks at Facebook regularly. Adding 3 friends in a week is unprecedented for me. That’s what got me thinking tonight about my FB friend criteria.

Most who know me probably wouldn’t describe me as being shy. But, like my non-Facebooking daughter, I’m exceptionally private. I’m so private that all my Facebook privacy settings are Friends only. I’m so private that, until yesterday, my entire FB profile, which is private, was all but blank. ๐Ÿ™‚

There are always studies being done about the impact of Social Media. This is an interesting link that supplies more interesting links: Facebook “friends”? The impact of social media trends on depression and self-confidence.

I can’t fathom how vastly social media affects our every day lives. It’s a brave new world. My Psychology degree is 30 years old. The Intro to Computer Science course I took consisted entirely of writing code: Basic, Basic Plus and Four Trand; which by the way, I was really bad at. I was dating a pre-med major who spent a lot of hours in the lab with me or I would never have figured out my syntax errors. The computer main-frame took up an entire room.

This may be key in explaining my Facebook issues. My definition of friend is just as archaic as my computer background. Maybe if the Facebook category was called:

Acquaintances

or

You’re One Of The Thousands of Fascinating People I Don’t Know

… maybe then I’d be inclined to say yes more often when a FB invitation pops up.

I have made compromises: I’m FB friends with C.S.Lewis who died when I was 7 . The criteria to be his FB friend is: you must have a personal relationship with this individual to be his friend on Facebook. And, I’mย  friends with Facebook. I don’t know why? That’s kind of like being friends with The Borg. I may un-friend Facebook.

Other social networks use less intimate terminology to represent contacts: LinkedIn has connections, Twitter has followers, but Facebook changed the word friend from a noun into a new kind of verb.

Looking over my list tonight, most of the people who are my Facebook friends are people I’ve cried with. I’ve laughed with so many people. I’ve cried with a few. This isn’t a criteria that would work for most, especially those going for the 5000 club.

It works for me. It’s more than semantics. My Facebook posts are rarely revealing, but when they are, all 34 of my friends care.

Friendship is a sheltering tree.ย  ~Samuel Taylor Coleridge

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15 thoughts on “Facebook Friends:130 But Who’s Counting?

  1. Well said Debbie. I can’t see what all the hype is anyway on FB. I hear of too many people just wasting away their life playing Farmville, the restaurant game and what have you. How about checking on a neighbor or doing something for someone else instead. Its not for me.

    • Chris – we may be past our FB prime! ๐Ÿ˜‰ Of course, you’re still a youngster… Living so far away from everyone I love, I appreciate FB as a way to keep in touch. For me personally, it’s probably more about the fact that I’ve always spread myself too thin, never doing justice to my friendships because I tried to maintain too many too intimately (not that that’s news to you). :/ I’ve always been a great crisis friend.
      I want to be a great day in and day out friend. I think I could fall back into that old trap on FB. As it is now, I know my FB friends, I pray for them, I’m interested in hearing about their adventures and struggles. I’m always open to adding friends, but not to collecting them.

  2. Friends, I have a few; acquaintances many; those I cry with are very rare, rarer even that those I put on my “friend” list. You my cuz are one I can cry with xo

    • Hey guy, you’re my newest! Haven’t cried with you in person, but I did cry for you when Pluto died… New friends are a gift. You’ve already been a blessing.

  3. This is a great post – but I’m never proactive enough to delete friends, I just hide them. (Call me passive-agressive.) I do at least have some criteria, though, for friends – someone I’ve actually had a conversation with in real life and/or would walk up to and have a real conversation with were I to see them. Thanks for visiting my blog and turning me on to your blog … I”ll be back! ๐Ÿ™‚

    • I think my FB post was a bit of a rant and a rave. I really do understand the desire to connect with people. Just finished reading your posts about your Dad. So tender. Do you know Andrew Peterson’s song “More” from Far Country? Made me think of it. I miss my Mom and Dad every day, too.

  4. Pingback: Facebook Friends:130 But Who's Counting? ยซ FORK IN THE ROAD « blackvils share

  5. Jill – I’m sure if I were younger, I’d have more interest in keeping up with acquaintances. There’s nothing wrong with that. I just find it hard to do justice to the people I’m committed to. I know friend doesn’t mean friend anymore, just not sure what the new word for friend is?

  6. Great post. I went through amd deleted 20 so called friends and family about a month ago. Some who never write anything but just want to see what I write and the others who just want to be your friends to get Farnville friends. Never played it and never will. My mom always told me that if you counted true friends, through thick and thin, with full acceptance and no ridicule, you could count them on one hand and have fingers left over. As I have gotten older, I believe this to be true. The rest are acquaintances whom you may be very fond of but the guard is up when true feelings surface.

    • I always thought that wisdom was unique to my grandma! She told me the same thing. At the time, I was in college and thought she was wrong. Ha. Wisdom through the fire. She’s right and your mom is right. But those 4 friends are amazing!

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