Home » Attitudes » Taking the Pause Out of Menopause

Taking the Pause Out of Menopause

Take the pause out of menopause and what do you get – Men O’!

I know this is true because it happened to me just last week. It was as if Neville had slipped on Harry’s Invisibility cloak and waved his wand at me. I went into the second-hand grocery store as a very hot, menopausal 54-year-old woman, and came out an adolescent male.

I’m confessing, but I’m not proud.

I blame it on a touch of hot flashing heat stroke.

As I’ve mentioned, our little Super S isn’t exactly a health food store with limp lettuce and apples that are already half way to sauce. Still, I’m not sure that excuses my purchases.

I came home with:

A 3 pack of BRAWNY paper towels – because they were on sale and I like the little  tear-off  sections

2 Hungry Man hamburgers – it was the only microwavable American entree except for the Lean Cuisines, which were $4 each, making them .50 a bite

A half-gallon of half-the-fat vanilla ice – because I was hot

2 cases of diet soda –  to make floats so I wouldn’t eat too much ice cream

2 mini bowls of Kraft Mac and Cheese – because I like mac & cheese and they’re microwavable

I didn’t even remember the bananas, which I think,  is what I went to the used grocery store for in the first place.

That’s another thing, I only think I know what I went to the store for…

In my defense, it was around 103 degrees, not counting the heat index. So it felt like 108 to non-menopausal, hot flashing women, which would not include the woman spraying herself in the face with her grandson’s squirt gun or the one who kept bobbing her head in and out of  the frozen potato compartment. I knew instantly we were kindred spirits.

Back to my defense. Before going inside, I filled 1 dozen 1 gallon jugs of water at the outside 35 cents a gallon, probably recycled water machine. I started down the used produce aisle in a heat induced daze.

Still…

My Mom was a Home Ec teacher and a wonderful cook. I used to be a good, if rather un-adventurous, cook.  Since it rarely cools down below 85 degrees at night, I suddenly can’t stand the thought of turning the oven on. Add to that, after working the night shift for 6 months, I’m still discombobulated and can’t seem to decide if I’m eating dinner or breakfast, or just having snacks.

About the Mac and Cheese. I used to love macaroni and cheese. I grew up on the homemade kind. I switched to Kraft years ago, but if you add some extra cheese etc… it’s not bad.

I figured the mini bowls would taste the same.

Not so much.

Here’s what you get for 220 calories. There were exactly 1 1/2 inches of mac and cheese in the tiny bowl after cooking. And, it tasted like,well, chewy Styrofoam I guess. I added milk and shredded cheddar. I now had 32o chewy cheesy Styrofoam flavored calories.

“Poets have been mysteriously silent on the subject of cheese.”  ~G.K. Chesterton

Hmm…

I don’t think my shopping privileges have been revoked entirely, but I now go to the second-hand Super S with a list in hand, just like a guy.

It’s embarrassing.

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14 thoughts on “Taking the Pause Out of Menopause

  1. I feel ya, sister! Thanks for laughing about it. I find it’s either that or cry and I’ve done enough of that. I throw our employees off sometimes when I come out with a menopause comment but they’ve caught on and laugh with me. As for the list, I found an app for my phone so the list is always with me. Now if only my husband would let me know what he’s run out of.

    • Debby – Heidi’s uses her phone app., too. I tried talking into mine, but I think I accidentally made a video.;) I went to the store today to get the bananas I forgot. Called Heidi from the store to make sure I had everything. She wanted sour cream which reminded me of mustard, so I got the mustard and headed home.
      About 3 miles down the road, I remembered the sour cream. Went back. Got two (on sale), The cashier, who may also be menopausal, forgot to give me the sale price so I stood in line at the customer service counter for my $1.58. But the time I got back in the Jeep and headed home, I had, quite literally, forgotten where I live this week. We’ve lived at 5 different sites off this road and I didn’t know which one to go to… 😀

  2. Funny stuff Debbie! Just remember: Women don’t have hot flashes, they’re Power Surges! Have a safe 4th.

    • I have to tell you Tom. while I love the thought, somehow, wandering in circles looking for my Jeep (when it’s the only Jeep in the lot) as the sweat starts to squirt out of my shoes just doesn’t leave me feeling all that powerful… 😀
      Well be working on the 4th – which also happens to be Heidi’s birthday (appropriately)! Fireworks have been banned do to drought, so we should be pretty safe. 🙂

  3. LOL! Jill, since I eat all my meals after dark, I call everything a snack! 😀 You have a point only those who have been to our special super expensive Super S’s could make! There is that odd smell… Heidi always makes me take my phone in case I forget my list… or forget where I’m going… or forget where we live this week… Gotta love being 54 in southern Texas in the summer, although you’re dashing my hopes that my post menopausal days will bring any relief! Won’t my mind ever find me again?

  4. Aggggggggh the infamous list. I am very diligent in writing a list. However, for a list to serve its purpose,it must accompany me to the store, There lies the problem. 9 chances out of 10 it remains on the table or it is stuffed in my fanny pack with all my other receipts and notes that I just can’t do without but could never find again!! I can’t blame it on menopause – been there done that – 13 years ago. For you, is it menopause or just so hot you can fry eggs on the sidewalk? Or is it the aroma of a dead creature as you enter the Super S? By the way, macaroni and cheese is my all time favorite, even with the taste of plastic. They are $1 at the dollar store. I had some today for either breakfast or lunch. When you don’t get up until noon, who knows what to call it.

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