That’s how long I’ve been on a diet: 30 days, 3 hours and 12 minutes. Don’t you just hate it when skinny people talk about needing to drop a few pounds? No worries about that here. I’ve lost 17 pounds and I look just the same, which gives you all the visual you need. 10 of those 17, I gained in 6 months of gate guarding. I knew everything was bigger in Texas, I just didn’t know that would include me!
It’s one of the yet unmentioned hazards of the job. Heidi and I are both dieting (although she doesn’t need to). Even Henry is on a diet. Gate Guarding, especially in this heat, involves a whole lot of sitting, and on the night shift, it’s exceptionally inert. I’ll explain my trend setting exercise program another time.
Dieting is wishful shrinking. ~Author Unknown
Most of the time, it seems like only thin people talk about their weight issues (unless it’s Reality TV). Listening to someone who weighs what I weighed in 5th grade, complain about their weight is akin to what I imagine it would feel like to to listen to Warren Buffet say he needs to diversify his portfolio; or Meryl Streep say she needs to work on her accents; or Oprah Winfrey say she just wishes she could find a good book to read; or Suze Orman say she really needs to be more disciplined in how she handles money.
Not only do slender folks seem to love to talk about how overweight they are, they never stop with just a sentence about needing to lose at least 4 pounds – gasp! The size 0 – 10 set are always the first to point out their flaws. Just look at the way my stomach pouches out! And I’m thinking: Are you referring to that concave section in the middle of your body?
Or, Everything I eat goes straight to my thighs. And I’m thinking: You mean those tiny little things that attach your knees to your torso? Really people, show some sensitivity. Save these topics for the Perrier and salad (with no croutons, meat, cheese or salad dressing) group. You can commiserate together about the trauma of tipping the scales at 110 while you take tiny bites of romaine.
If I had been around when Rubens was painting, I would have been revered as a fabulous model. Kate Moss? Well, she would have been the paintbrush. ~Dawn French
By the way, a slender person should never offer helpful hints on what foods have hidden calories to a not slender person on a diet, who could be possibly be experiencing a slightly strained sense of humor and tolerance. Case in point.
This is a picture of the current contents of my freezer:
Ralph generously gives us a ice, every time he makes a delivery.
This is a look inside the frig (you can see the diet root beer and jar of garlic on the side door).
Other door contents: a partial jar of Miracle Whip Light, a bottle of lemon juice, a pitcher of water and yes – you spotted it, a container of White Chocolate Mocha Coffee Creamer which, at 35 calories per tablespoon, adds 105 calories a day to my diet – and it’s worth every one of them.
I’ve been on a diet for 30 days, 4 hours and 11 minutes now.
All this food typing has, of course, made me hungry. So it’s time for coffee (with creamer) and carrots and 7 Quaker Rice Snacks – Caramel Corn, Light, Crispy Crunch!
The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because by then your body and your fat are really good friends. ~Author Unknown