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My Un-Bucket List

You know the Bucket List?  The list everyone is supposed to make of all the things they want to do before they die. Where did this name come from? I’m guessing the concept is a combination of the  Honey-Do List (things we want someone else to do before we kill them) and the rather odd euphemism for dying:  Kick the Bucket. This is purely speculative on my part.

I’m uncertain of the origin of kick the bucket. Maybe Shakespeare?

Swifter then he that gibbets on the Brewers Bucket.  [to gibbet meant to hang]                    ~ William Shakespeare, Henry IV

Anyway, I recently read about a guy who just marked the last thing  – number 1000! – off  his bucket list. At 28, his life is fulfilled… But that’s not my point.

It started me thinking. People are always sharing their bucket lists – some are empty of all but wishful thinking and some are so full they’ve had to switch to a barrel.

But, how often are we really honest about our Un-Bucket list? That list we all have of things that we’ve done that we’d hoped we’d never do, or at least, that we’re surprised we’ve done, and we’re not even dead yet.

In a spirit of light-heartedness and minimal self-revelation, I’m sharing my list (this may require additional posts at some point). Keeping it simple, this list is composed entirely of things I never thought I’d do as recently as just one year ago:

1.  Go to jail to get  finger-printed

2.  Become a Gate Guard in Texas

3.  Consider my new single-ply toilet paper to be thick and luxurious

4.  Kill spiders with my naked fingers (being very arachnophobic, I usually just do this when I mistake them for the beetles that drop down from the ceiling into my shirt)

5.  Rip off my shirt (hoping no one comes to the gate right at that moment), throw it on the floor and stomp on it to kill the odd array of bugs who’ve begun co-habitating with me

6.  Eat breakfast at 11 at night while watching Good Morning America

7.  Talk to the animals in Doolittle fashion: buzzards, cows, armadillos, donkeys, raccoons etc…

8.  Look forward to winter

9.  Live someplace where we’re all speaking English but between the drawl and the chew, I still have no idea what is being said and hope that smiling and nodding is universally appropriate

10. Remove drowned cockroaches from my freshly washed towels

11. Discover I’m a random dyslexic

12. Put Tabasco on my french fries because Sonic Burger (forget McDonald’s), doesn’t have ketchup

13. Quickly forget Sonic Burger and realize that, in small towns, all fast food is requires hot sauce

14. Throw bowls of water on calves who eat my satellite cables, wheel covers, septic hose etc…

15. Recognize people by their license plates and their tattoos

16. Deem any temperature with less than 3 digits, quite comfortable

17. Consider creating caliche art

18. Play Angry Birds on my phone at 4 a.m. while listening to, but not watching, re-runs of Cheers, which I like simply for the theme song

19. Take a shower 7  3 times a week because it takes 2 days in-between to recover from the 2nd degree burns caused by the perpetually hot water

20. Make people spell four letter words for me like TOOL and CAN’T  because I think they’re saying TOE and CAINED

That’s just the tip of the bucket. I’ll add another 20 some other day. Until then…

The driver’s lament: The sun has riz, the sun has set, and here I is, in Texas yet.

6 thoughts on “My Un-Bucket List

  1. A thought on your un-bucket list. Most things you posted are probably on every gate-guards list, however, as to your scaulding water problem, let me offer a solution. I couldn’t believe that “cold” water could be that hot. After several hot showers I thought, why not turn the water heater off on the tank and once it’s cooled down, use that for cold water. Actually works very well. 12 gallons of cold water out here in this TX heat is like an oasis. Try it, could be the cure for those burns.

    • Steve – Hi there! Thank for writing! You’re so right, we actually unplugged the water heater 2 months ago – no kidding! 😉
      I do take showers – but use the internal tank which works pretty well. It never gets cold, but it doesn’t leave burn marks! 😀
      Welcome to Fork and thank you so much for sharing your thoughts with me (with all of us). I’d love to hear where you’re from, where you’re working etc…!
      ~ Debbie

  2. Charlie – you’re right! It only made it to 103 today and it’s already down to 96 at 9pm! Love your story about your brother!Your grandfather’s answer works for me. 😀
    102 predicted for tomorrow. One of these days will be back in the cool 90’s! Thanks for your story – you made me laugh!
    ~ Debbie

  3. Hang in there ladies! A hint of fall is in the air this morning. And the temps have dropped. Probably wont go over 100 today! When I was a kid, my brother and I would lay in the pasture with our arms outstretched to see how long it would take for a buzzard to start circling. Big Fun! I asked my grandfather one time why the buzzards were here if nothing was dead. He replied “they got to be somewhere” .

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