Home » Gate Guarding » Footnotes


Never dance in a puddle when there’s a hole in your shoe (it’s always best to take your shoes off first). ~ John D. Rhodes

I was in need a new pair of shoes. I own 3 pairs but I’m not sure where my Keens (sandals) are. The other two I’ve run over by walking on the sides of my feet.

  • Footnote: The average woman buys four pairs of shoes per year.

I fall far short of the average woman. I didn’t even own 4 pairs of shoes until yesterday.

We went to Walmart to get my prescription that wasn’t there and water that they didn’t sell (the gallon jugs with the screw on tops) and yarn and a pair of tennis shoes. Although they didn’t have the water, they did have 7 hyacinths in a pot for $7 dollars, so I bought those instead. πŸ˜€

They also didn’t have any comfortable shoes. I’m big on comfortable shoes.

  • Footnote: Nine out of ten women wear shoes that are too small, according to a poll by the American Academy of Orthopedic Surgeons.

On the way to the fabric section, I passed through Sporting Goods. Lured by the colorful jigs, I decided to buy an annual all water fishing license. In Texas, this let’s you fish in fresh or saltwater for one year, but it expires in August no matter when you buy it. The idea ofΒ  spending this next week parked 20 feet from the bayouΒ  just begs for a book and a bobber.

Since we were getting ready to hit the road, it seemed like a good idea to also get diesel, which is cheaper at Walmart than anywhere else in town, at $3.66. We needed about 30 or 40 gallons to fill both tanks. We keep the second tank full in case I forget that we only get 12.2Β  mpg when towing and run us out again.

  • Footnote: Almost half of all women have been injured by their shoes.

We pulled up to the green handled pump and I slid ungracefully out of the truck. Ever since we got the truck (I still can’t believe I drive a truck) I seem to have developed two left feet. If I’d lived in the 18 century this might have worked better for me.

  • Footnote: Before the 19th century there was no left or right shoe, they were both identical.

I ran my card at the pump. Would I like a receipt? Yes.Β  Please make your selection and push the button. OK.

Could I get the gas cap off? No.

Sometimes it doesn’t pay to have a kind face. I walked up and down the 6 lanes of pumps, peering in the windows of weary, waiting souls and knocked on the one of the man with a nice face and a wife and a toddler and a baby who all looked tired and ready for dinner.

He put his window down and I said: I’m so sorry to bother you but I can’t get the gas cap off my truck. Would you mind trying. He smiled and gave his wife a look that was a mixture of: See, I am a hero – and – This why they shouldn’t let women drive.

  • Footnote: InΒ  Hungary the groom drinks a toast to the bride out of her wedding shoe.

He walked over to the truck and gave the cap a mighty turn. Eventually he gave it 8 or 9 mighty turns. No luck. He said: You must have stripped it.

I agreed and thanked him as he returned to his waiting family. While I contemplated my jammed gas cap, I noticed the front tire looked low.

This didn’t really mean anything because I think all tires look low unless they’re perfect circles. We were already scheduled to have the tires rotated a little later in the day, so I figured they’d check the air, and maybe they would be able to wrench off my gas cap.

I was still wondering about the tire as I paused to cancel the pump. I gave the cap one more forceful twist and off it popped. The nice man with the kind face saw this. I mouthed: It’s like with pickle jars and smiled. I don’t know if he knew what I meant or not. It’s not a common lip-reading phrase.

There was plenty of time before the Tire Shop appointment to buy a pair of shoes, or so I thought.

  • Footnote: The best time to try on shoes is usually at the end of the day. when your feet are the most swollen.

This turned out to be a bigger challenged than I’d anticipated. Payless and JC Penny didn’t have any comfortable tennis shoes, either.

Fashionista that I am, I bought the only pair of shoes in town that fit.

  • Footnote: The most ever spent on a pair of shoes was $665,000.Β  They were Judy Garland’s last pair of ruby red slippers from the Wizard of Oz.

They didn’t look anything like these. I’ve actually never seen any tennis shoes that look anything like these. I’m guessing they may even glow in the dark.

Who needs a gun? I’ll just go to the gate with my glowing feet, fully confident that all will run for cover!


40 thoughts on “Footnotes

  1. Seriously, I don’t understand women that don’t LOVE shoes! When we finally started serious shopping for a motorhome, I had planned on a Class C for years. The only way John was able to convince me to go for a Class A was by telling me I could take more shoes

    • Diane – I blame it on having a wide foot. πŸ˜‰
      John is a good man.
      I don’t need much shoe space but I do seem to require an entire cabinet for coffee. I’m not sure why? I must be afraid there’ll be a run on coffee someday…

  2. OH, SIS! I shouldn’t read these right after chowing down 2 hot dogs–nearly…never mind. Can’t stop laughing. I’m really glad you got the hyacinths, a great buy at any price!! Don’t forget to lose–I meant “store”–the bulbs in a cool dark place, after the flowers are gone, so you can plant them…

    Shoes–what a hoot! At my age, they have to be “sensible”–and it’s been a couple years since I bought a pair, sometime around the day I had the great idea to start walking for my physical/mental health. (The shoes still look pretty new…)

    Try to only scare the bad guys, okay sis? Sending you bunches of hugs!! God bless you, your forever sis, Caddo

    • Caddo Delight! You are wit in walking shoes!
      I think the hyacinths will be nearly bloomed out by the time I leave here on the 20th. I’ll gift them to Miss Dale, who along with her dog Hercules, looks after the park. I try to ‘bloom where I’m planted’ but I move too often to plant where I’m blooming. πŸ˜‰

    • Dear mt and Pot Pie – you two made my night! πŸ˜€
      Someday, Pot Pie is going to have to tell me the story of his name. It makes me smile every time I read it! It’s the happiest name I’ve ever heard!

  3. How about getting to the pump and not know how or where to put the diesel. Rickey always has things added to his truck and it is confusing to anyone who does not know, what or how. I had to call him one day while trying to fuel up at Gonzales. I ask him how to get to the tank and where was the fuel cap. As far as shoes goes, i like shoes;but i don’t buy many shoes. Certainely not 2 pair a year. I always wear shoes that i can run in just in case. Of course an old lady can’t run far. But i would run a lot less barefooted.

  4. Still loving your posts. I agree with Bob (Texas Heat) about your abilities. Also, wanted to mention that I always thought the saying about things going south was because when I was a kid I thought Heaven was up (north) and Hell was down (south), so I always thought it meant things were going to hell? Maybe not.

    • Oh, and I have to say that last year I bought one pair of Crocs and one pair of sandals, which is about my usual, unless I buy a new pair of sneakers. “: )

    • Penny – Well, I’d say your explanation is better than the ones I found when I tried to research it! I always thought Heaven was north, too!
      If I could quit walking on the sides of my feet, my shoes would last forever. I do have quite a few pairs of socks though. I kind of stocked up last year when I got so hot at the laundry mats! πŸ˜‰

    • Hi Bobbie!
      Your Dad had a good point – and we do live in an RV after all. Since we do this year round, I gave away all my fancy shoes. Really – on a rig – not so much. I’m hoping someone else is wearing them and dancing! πŸ˜‰

  5. Love the shoes. And the plant, too. I also have never understood why the Texas fishing license always expires in August! I just don’t get that. Also…your footnotes were great.

    • Jeff – Hello buddy. Well, so far I’ve purchased and a little cartoon of night-crawlers for $5.40 and fished once, sort of. I used 3 worms. Since I was fishing while I was working on something (I’ve already forgotten what and it was just yesterday) I heard the run of the reel but was way to late to hook the fish. 95% chance of thunderstorms tomorrow, but I’ll be here one more week, so I may get my money’s worth yet. πŸ˜‰ I certainly hope to not have another day off between March and August, so I’d better fish fast. πŸ˜€

  6. Oh honey! LAUGHING. You know … the second to the bottom pare of shoes look like some shoes i bought at Kohl’s (they were an x-mas present actually). They are tight over the top of my foot! GLAD you didn’t buy those. They are cute, and i’m no fashionista. I’m with you re: shoes. I wore sweatpants to work for about 11 years because our clients are “off site” … SO, i only needed a pair of running shoes, and a turtleneck in winter. Ah, the days of sloth …

    Don likes to buy me shoes, or at least if i mention shoes he JUMPS at the opportunity to buy them. Maybe ??? he’s trying to tell me something.

    LEARN to shop like all women do. I think i found my non-shopping buddy in you, Deb. I shop when i’m outta stuff. xoxo m

    FUNNY POST ABOUT WOMEN and shoes. Hey, now i know what to do with $665,000 when i get it πŸ˜‰

    • Hello melis – I love to buy gifts, which I don’t have the funds for these days. Other than that, I really hate shopping. I’m like you, just when I’m out of stuff or the water starts seeping in through the soles of my shoes.
      There are days I wouldn’t mind having those ruby slippers to click! πŸ˜€

  7. My husband and I just wanted you to know how much we so enjoy reading your posts. We were given your site by a friend to find out more on doing of course Gate Guarding, and we have learned so much by reading it, we are hoping to get into it next winter due to us having family visits to complete, and fullfill two other jobs first. (yes I tend to plan way ahead) So while we visit and work we will continue to read all of your posts, and enjoy each and every one of them. We did see that you have met a dear friend of ours Ms. Bobbie Chapman, who is the one who gave us your address. Please Do Continue on, you have a very Happy Following!!!!!

    • Told you this was a good blog. We got to meet Debbie and Heidi at the GGS Whitsett yard and they are as amazing in person as they are on this blog. Hope you can make it here next winter.

    • Hello Carolyn! Yes you do plan ahead! Wow! By the time you guys get started, you’ll already be experts. πŸ˜€
      It was great fun to meet Bobbie in person! She’s a peach!

      And Bobbie – thank you for your very kind words. I’m having little internet luck and even less time, but I hope to head over to Chappy Trails soon and see how you like your new job!

  8. Nasty… Tham there shoes look like alligator bobbers ! Keep your phone close by and your feet even closer. ( I know you’re not in Louisiana , just pretending)
    They won’t be black for long.

    You’be come a long ways baby!

    • Cath – LOL! Aren’t they just the ugliest ever? There are supposed to be some alligators here but it’s too cold for them right now. Hope to see some before we leave.
      You’re right, they do look like alligator bobbers!
      Heidi says I’m in trouble the day I buy shoes like that and she says “Hey, those really look like you!” πŸ˜‰

    • Hello girls!
      Yesterday I lost three night-crawlers to catfish (I suppose). Next time I fish, I may have to actually hold the pole instead of just propping it up! πŸ˜€
      Henry sends his greetings.

    • Thank, Bob! πŸ˜€ I can say very little in a lot of words! πŸ˜‰
      Hope you guys are doing well down there in rattlesnake land. They surely must be frozen tonight!

  9. I agree about comfortable shoes… especially with walking on the caliche rocks. Our former neighbor wore flip flops. My feet hurt just looking at her trying to balance on the rocks wearing those shoes. She didn’t get around well to begin with. Can you imagine wearing flip flops at the scorpion crossing you worked at? Or in the middle of snake season? I wear my Fat Baby boots as much as possible for stability & protection from wildlife πŸ˜€

    • Vicky – We’ll see where we end up this summer. I may have to break down and get some boots. My feet get hot (all of me gets hot in the summer in Texas) so I’ve avoided the boot route. I think my new shoes may be scary enough to frighten all creatures, great and small.

  10. Love your story. We both have shoes with no backs in so easy to slip into and kick them off when we come inside. What are you going to do with the yarn. I always have some knitting on my neddles.

    • Lin – backless shoes are a good idea! Heidi has a pair and loves them. I don’t really do anything with the yarn. I’ve made a blanket for Henry, that he isn’t overly fond of, and one that’s very lopsided for Heidi and 15 or 20 scarves that I just give to the Salvation Army or Goodwill. I don’t suppose there’s really a great demand for scarves in Texas. I knit to stay awake and to keep from eating. It’s pretty cheap therapy. πŸ˜‰
      PS How’s your wee car doing in all this rain – or did you get snow?

      • No snow here Debbie. Raining right now Saturday night. We will not go down our road when it has rained it is bad enough when it is dry. The men that come in and say about how bad the road is no body likes it. I am doing the night shift and I do knit but still eat and I don’t like it no control always opening and shutting the fridge to see what I can find.

      • I am loosing it it is Monday morning not Saturday night. Where do the days go.Now I better be ready for when the guys start coming in for the week.

    • Jen – You make me smile! Thank you for your kind words. You have to work with what you have, and often what I have, isn’t much! πŸ˜‰
      Thinking of you, too!
      Our internet has been awful. Hope to catch up soon.

What do you think?

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s