Never dance in a puddle when there’s a hole in your shoe (it’s always best to take your shoes off first). ~ John D. Rhodes
I was in need a new pair of shoes. I own 3 pairs but I’m not sure where my Keens (sandals) are. The other two I’ve run over by walking on the sides of my feet.
- Footnote: The average woman buys four pairs of shoes per year.
I fall far short of the average woman. I didn’t even own 4 pairs of shoes until yesterday.
We went to Walmart to get my prescription that wasn’t there and water that they didn’t sell (the gallon jugs with the screw on tops) and yarn and a pair of tennis shoes. Although they didn’t have the water, they did have 7 hyacinths in a pot for $7 dollars, so I bought those instead. 😀
They also didn’t have any comfortable shoes. I’m big on comfortable shoes.
- Footnote: Nine out of ten women wear shoes that are too small, according to a poll by the American Academy of Orthopedic Surgeons.
On the way to the fabric section, I passed through Sporting Goods. Lured by the colorful jigs, I decided to buy an annual all water fishing license. In Texas, this let’s you fish in fresh or saltwater for one year, but it expires in August no matter when you buy it. The idea of spending this next week parked 20 feet from the bayou just begs for a book and a bobber.
Since we were getting ready to hit the road, it seemed like a good idea to also get diesel, which is cheaper at Walmart than anywhere else in town, at $3.66. We needed about 30 or 40 gallons to fill both tanks. We keep the second tank full in case I forget that we only get 12.2 mpg when towing and run us out again.
- Footnote: Almost half of all women have been injured by their shoes.
We pulled up to the green handled pump and I slid ungracefully out of the truck. Ever since we got the truck (I still can’t believe I drive a truck) I seem to have developed two left feet. If I’d lived in the 18 century this might have worked better for me.
- Footnote: Before the 19th century there was no left or right shoe, they were both identical.
I ran my card at the pump. Would I like a receipt? Yes. Please make your selection and push the button. OK.
Could I get the gas cap off? No.
Sometimes it doesn’t pay to have a kind face. I walked up and down the 6 lanes of pumps, peering in the windows of weary, waiting souls and knocked on the one of the man with a nice face and a wife and a toddler and a baby who all looked tired and ready for dinner.
He put his window down and I said: I’m so sorry to bother you but I can’t get the gas cap off my truck. Would you mind trying. He smiled and gave his wife a look that was a mixture of: See, I am a hero – and – This why they shouldn’t let women drive.
- Footnote: In Hungary the groom drinks a toast to the bride out of her wedding shoe.
He walked over to the truck and gave the cap a mighty turn. Eventually he gave it 8 or 9 mighty turns. No luck. He said: You must have stripped it.
I agreed and thanked him as he returned to his waiting family. While I contemplated my jammed gas cap, I noticed the front tire looked low.
This didn’t really mean anything because I think all tires look low unless they’re perfect circles. We were already scheduled to have the tires rotated a little later in the day, so I figured they’d check the air, and maybe they would be able to wrench off my gas cap.
I was still wondering about the tire as I paused to cancel the pump. I gave the cap one more forceful twist and off it popped. The nice man with the kind face saw this. I mouthed: It’s like with pickle jars and smiled. I don’t know if he knew what I meant or not. It’s not a common lip-reading phrase.
There was plenty of time before the Tire Shop appointment to buy a pair of shoes, or so I thought.
- Footnote: The best time to try on shoes is usually at the end of the day. when your feet are the most swollen.
This turned out to be a bigger challenged than I’d anticipated. Payless and JC Penny didn’t have any comfortable tennis shoes, either.
Fashionista that I am, I bought the only pair of shoes in town that fit.
- Footnote: The most ever spent on a pair of shoes was $665,000. They were Judy Garland’s last pair of ruby red slippers from the Wizard of Oz.
They didn’t look anything like these. I’ve actually never seen any tennis shoes that look anything like these. I’m guessing they may even glow in the dark.
Who needs a gun? I’ll just go to the gate with my glowing feet, fully confident that all will run for cover!