Momma Said There’d Be Days Like This

I was going to write about Sugar Snap Stir Fry tonight but other things came up.

Momma said there’d be days like this…

It was very hot.

Then the rains came and that was a good thing. The temperatures dropped into the 90’s and the caliche tamped itself temporarily down.

Then the wind changed. The rain rained itself sideways right into the vent on the kitchen slide making the refrigerator go out.

Heidi still had the phone number of a roving RV repair man that she talked to a few months ago when the rig washers were washing oil based mud off the RV and soaked the vent, knocking the frig out the first time.

He had talked her through a magical magnet resetting trick over the phone. We sent him a thank you check for $25. She called. He called back and said he’d forgotten how to do it. Maybe we should have sent $35.

She asked him how we could prevent this from happening in the future (it rains sideways a lot on the Oregon coast).

He said, next time you buy an RV, get one with the vents on the top.

OK.

While I was sleeping and Heidi was running back and forth between the gate and the soggy vent, one of our guys stopped by and offered to help.

He accidentally dropped the magnet inside the vent where it found a metal home and he lost it completely.

When I woke up yesterday afternoon, that much of the drama had unfolded. I hobbled out with the umbrella that we were surprised to find still tucked under the front seat (not really much need for it in Texas between the wind and the drought). I held it while Heidi fished around with dueling screwdrivers, trying to grab the magnet.

The sun broke through making the umbrella even more superfluous than usual so I worked the gate while Heidi continued her vent project. She found the magnet, took a guess and, viola! the frig came back on!

We were relieved not to have to haul all of our food down to the Company Man’s extra frig (we did have to do that after the rig washer incident). We were celebrating Heidi’s magnet magic with a close game of Whist when we heard a LOUD thunk.

Heidi went out to find water gushing out from under the RV. She came inside with this:

The filter canister cracked and plunked right off. We called our dealership in Iowa to see if we could still use internal water. Well, that would be a no but they did assure us that it was an anomaly, a defective part and  it wouldn’t happen again.

OK.

Next we called the other roving RV repair guy who had just replaced our grey water valve and toilet this month and our micro/wave convection oven last month. He never called back. Heidi will start the phone calling over again this a.m. The part will have to be ordered so we’ll be waterless for a while (we have plenty of drinking water – just no tap).

Sooo, Heidi bleached a bucket that had previously held who knows what – probably rattlesnake heads – and filled it from the tank outside so we’d have water to do dishes. While she was beaching the snake and scorpion remnants out of the bucket, our mud logger stopped by to tell her to tell me to be careful tonight because they’ve seen 5 rattlesnakes in the past 2 nights under their trailers (about 100 yards from us).

Heidi came in with the bucket and the snake news.

By this time we no longer cared about health and fitness so we ate an entire DiGiorno’s thin crust pizza. Heidi was pretty tired by all this problem solving and went to bed.

A little later, I opened the freezer to get an ice pack for my knee. When I opened the door, a bag of ice cubes fell out on Henry’s head. It wasn’t a very big bag but he doesn’t have a very big head. It didn’t hurt him but it did scare him. He jumped backwards, into his water dish and flipping his dog food all over the floor.

Seeing his dog food all over the floor didn’t make him hungry so I picked it up. But seeing his water all over did make him thirsty which led to Henry drinking a quart and needing to go right outside where the rattlesnakes are gathering in the dark to rumba. They call a group of rattlesnakes a rumba. I have no idea why.

Momma said there would be days like this…

Just  now, as I was finishing writing, there was a knock on the door. I’m used to the bells but a knock on the door at 3:30 in the morning is always a little startling. There was a man with all gold teeth standing on my fake green carpet perilously near the potential rumba. He said in a semi-desperate voice:

Ma’am, I don’t suppose there’s any chance you have jumper cables? There’s gotta be at least 50 men on this site and not one of them, I’m not kiddin’ now, not one of them has a set of jumper cables.

Our frig is iffy, we can’t take a shower or flush the toilet (well, we can but without water so it’s more of an inside outhouse) and I suppose, before it’s all over, we may smell a little ripe, but by golly WE have jumper cables!

I got them out of the truck and he said:

Ma’am, you just saved my life. I mean it! Really!

I’m not sure why the cables were a life line but hey, any day that ends by sharing life saving jumper cables is a really fine day!

Heigh-ho, Heidi HO

It’s been a while since I’ve written so it may take a little time to catch you up. I’ll start with Heidi HO. Heidi HO is her legal name, which she gave herself. It’s a long story…

Heigh-ho, Heigh-ho
It’s home from work we go…

Do you remember the Seven Dwarfs whistling and singing this song?

Well, it’s just like that here except there are no diamonds or rubies and we’re never off work and the lyrics are more like:

Heidi HO, Heidi HO
It’s home at work she goes…

Believe me, this woman works! And ever since the first week of February when I ripped my meniscus, she’s been working overtime, fighting the elements, the intruders and warding off the possibility of any misconceptions (I’ll get to that part in a bit).

For starters, Heidi finds multiple reason to walk around on the roof. First there were bees gathering in the vent (she had a can of hornet spray too, not just the fly swatter). Then there was the squeaky bathroom fan.

Then there were two tiny, tiny leaks.

The bees are gone. The squeak is better and the leaks are sealed but I’m sure there’ll be something else up there to check on any day now.

I’m not allowed on the roof since I fall off the  steps.

And when she’s not on top of the RV, she’s often under it.

Oops, wrong legs! Too hairy. That pair belongs to our mobile RV repairman that had the less than glamorous task of replacing our grey water valve and our toilet.

This is the picture I meant to use. Heidi is very diligent when it comes to warding off the encroaching caliche, making sure our slides slide and our jacks jack and our steps don’t freeze in place.

She’s constantly baking – for us and for the guys on the rig. She bakes so much she wore out the microwave/convention oven and we had to buy a new one.

This one is scary smart. It may be even smarter than my phone. It can sense when I’m looking at it with confusion and it starts frantically flashing messages at me. Press, Set, Choose etc… This makes me nervous so I push Sensor Heat and let it have it’s way.

Heidi’s also been doing more adventurous things. There was the recon trip which included ditch diving, rolling under barbed-wire and crawling through burrs and stickers to get what she thought was a right-side-up wild bore’s head. It turned out to be an upside-down cow skull but she was still very, very proud.

You already know about the onslaught of rattlesnakes. Heidi Ho is very comfortable with a hoe. Just sayin’…

For a day or two we had a rattlesnake head coming out of the eye socket of the recently procured cow’s skull. She says: Hey, we’re just two women with a hoe a long way from nowhere. Heidi is very symbolic and loves to send “messages”. Pretty sure this is supposed to mean best not mess with me.

The problem with the snake’s head in the skull, apart from the fact that it was truly creepy, was that most likely, the resident bobcat would come at night and snatch it like he did the first one. And if not the bobcat, then a hawk or raccoon or coyote or something…

So she planted the head in a bucket (not in hopes of growing baby rattlers). We’ve been told, but are somewhat skeptical, that in the bucket the ants and things (?) will eat all but the skull which Heidi wants to add to the cow skull to make sure we’re truly sending the right message. Hmm…

It’s been there for a while now and grass is starting to grow on top. Haven’t dug any deeper yet. Last time she looked, the nose was still intact.

Heidi’s also been fending off cows with bowls of water again. I don’t know why the cows here are so adverse to water, but they are and if we don’t deter them, they munch on our fake green carpet and eat our satellite cables.

Catch you on the backside – a good ole southern saying takes on new meaning when Heidi has a bowl, or a swatter or a hoe in her hand! While Heidi’s been doing all of this and so much more, I’ve mostly just been stylin’ in Stir-Fry. More on that next time.

Just For the Joy of It!

Sprinkle joy.  ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

Texas is nothing like Canada… nothing.

I never need a hoodie or tie a blanket around my shoulders. I haven’t seen a single glacier or worn plaid pants.

It’s been a long time since I’ve been to Banff – as you can see from the photo.

But here I am on Easter weekend in HOT southern Texas, working on (well. almost on) an oil rigl, posting a you tube clip that’s essentially a visit to Alberta, Canada.

Easter on a rig means we’ve have a heaping baskets of candy for the guys and we’ll be feted with a steak dinner Sunday night. Otherwise, we’ll work, just like we every other day of the year.

As a matter of fact, this looks to be our busiest weekend ever as fracing is starting today on one site and a new drilling rig is scheduled to move in on another.

In the midst of all the dust and grit and 90+ degree temps, I thought you might like to sit back with me, take in some beauty and breathe.

Earth is crammed with heaven.  ~ Elizabeth Barrett Browning

If you’ll click on the bottom right corner of the clip you can enlarge it to fill your whole screen in High Def. A stunning reminder of the amazing bits of joy and beauty of in our world!

Never Smile at a Crocodile

Never smile at a crocodile
No, you can’t get friendly with a crocodile
Don’t be taken in by his welcome grin
He’s imagining how well you’d fit within his skin ~ Rolf Harris

In November, we took a short trip to Louisiana and spent some time on the bayou. Although I don’t consider myself much of a Swamp Person, unlike Heidi who has a peculiar affinity for swamps, I found the Louisiana bayou to be surprisingly beautiful.

We took a three hour tour. It was just like The Minnow except there were just the four of us, plus Chris, our captain, and we didn’t get lost, and we were in an airboat on the swamp going 50 mph. It was a grand adventure!

We shot across the marsh and the trees and the lily pads as seamlessly as we did the water. The herons and egrets were beautiful.The nurtia, not so much.

To bring attention to South Louisiana’s endangered wetlands, designer Cree McCree held a fashion show at House of Yes in Williamsburg starring Righteous Fur pelts made from nutria — the huge rodent that has a serious appetite for swamp plants and is endangering the nation’s ecosystem….The crowd was split on the huge orange, crescent-shaped nutria teeth that dangled from some of the hems… ~New York Fashion

If you know southern swamps, you probably know about nurtrias. This was my first encounter and it was an up close and muddy one. I’m no fashionista, but really, would you want to wear this guy’s pelt and teeth? He was kind of a cross between the biggest, ugliest rat and a beaver with a sorry excuse for a tail. Chris was a real hands on type of guy.

Our furry friend shared a good deal of his mud with me. As did the our next guests. Chris just kept offering me his pant leg to use as a towel. Funny. Have you noticed that the one with the camera is always the only one who gets dirty. By the time the trip was over, I looked like I’d done some bog hopping. After the nutria encounter, we headed back into private waters.

Long, long ago, I used to have a pretty extensive collection of 33 vinyls. When I was little, they were mostly Disney fairytale/musicals, complete with illustrations. I still know all of the songs from Babes in Toyland and Cinderella and Peter Pan. Every since going to Louisiana, I’ve thought often about Peter Pan. Not Peter Pan himself so much as Captain Hook. Not really Captain Hook so much as the crocodile that had designs on him. Rolf Harris has taken Never Smile at a Crocodile from Peter Pan and had some fun with it.

~

According to Animal Planet all alligators are crocodiles but not all crocodiles are alligators.

This is an alligator. His inspired name is Big Al. He’s 13 feet long, which is something of a dinosaur. He’s entirely unperturbed by visitors.

His neighbor, Bella, was lying in wait for us. She was smaller, 11 feet, which, believe me, feels plenty big when she decides to climb into your little wooden boat. She was waiting for her coot. The fact that she knew the routine, didn’t mean she was tame.

At this point my foot was about a foot from her nose. Chris shot a coot the day before. I was pretty pleased. I’m a tough enough old bird that if there hadn’t been a coot, I’m not sure she wouldn’t have been content with something fresher.

I was already muddy from the nutria and I wasn’t keen on being dinner. These photos aren’t zoomed which is why you can see her tonsils but not her webbed feet.

I’m not sure how many crocodiles I may have smiled at in zoos. I now know that if an alligator is smiling back at me on the bayou, it may have dinner on its mind.

Never smile at a crocodile
Never dip your hat and stop to talk awhile
Never run, walk away, say good-night, not good-day
Clear the aisle but never smile at Mister Crocodile ~ Rolf Harris

If only I’d gone to the Louisiana bayou before I started gate guarding, it would have changed everything.

If we still don’t have a job tomorrow, I’ll tell you why.